Is there something about death that makes you suddenly want to lecherously touch everyone around you? Seize the day? Seize the attractive man next to you. Is it wrong to be perving at a funeral?

I have all of a sudden been dreaming about kissing. What has sparked this? At least the dreams are realistic enough to not be romantic. The manchild kisses me as a dare, as a way to make me uncomfortable. But it is I who turns the tables when he is shocked and overwhelmed by my enthusiastic response. Should I be embarressed to dream about the manchild in such a way? He has done nothing to provoke it. To encourage it. We do not even speak. If I open my mouth, I say backhanded things. I can't help myself.

Female Friend: When are we going to come to another of your soccer games?
Manchild: Well, I'm not playing for two weeks. [red card tch tch]
Hooch: You assume you were the drawcard?
Manchild: Oh.

Yeah, good one Hooch. You dick.

I have this ability to say incredibly biting, rude, nasty comments whenever I am nervous around people. Especially if I'm attracted to them. Great, huh.

So life goes on. I went into a coffee shop yesterday and the last time I was in there I bumped into my friend, laughing and joking. It was one of those take a deep breath and smile at the memory moments. But at least I'm realistic enough to know that life doesn't change overly. My work is still sporadic. My bills are still unpaid. My house is still a mess. And I feel like at some point in the last 6 months, I've lost my laugh. I dream about running and snogging. Maybe I can dream about laughing again too. That'd be so nice.